宗薩欽哲仁波切對中國年輕人、兒童及父母有什麽建議？

學生問：

Rinpoche's advices for youths, children and parents of China

"仁波切，您對中國年輕人、兒童以及他們的父母有什麽建議嗎？"

宗薩欽哲仁波切開示：

“我知道很多父母迫切期望他們的孩子受到良好教育，毋庸置疑，中國年輕人在學術研究、科學技術以及很多方面都相當優秀。事實上，我的一些朋友在學校課程之外還敦促他們的孩子去學習鋼琴、小提琴、第三或第四種語言。由于這是個競爭的世界，我有些同情他們壓力背後的這種競爭心態。

我的意思不是說父母們不應當這麽做，但他們也要在腦海中問問自己，所有這些（敦促孩子學習各種知識的）壓力，有多少其實是想圓自己要在孩子身上實現的夢呢？要知道這個世界最成功的人中，有些是中途退學的！

我想最終重要的是你們的孩子要快樂。爲了他們將來能夠快樂，你的孩子需要學習仁慈和禮貌待人。事實上，整體而言中國人需要學習懂禮貌、不忽視來自他人的暗示及信號。假如你不懂得尊重他人、忽略別人所給出的信號，那麽其他人對你所發出的信號也將置之不理，這會造成很多的誤解。

總有人說中國的年輕人傲慢無禮並且粗魯。我思考過這個問題，從我自身體會而言，我不認爲他們真的粗魯，但他們總是不斷地忽略其他人所給出的信號。令人費解的是，當其他人不理會他們所發出的信號時，他們會感到不開心，這有點古怪，因爲這意味著當他們被如此對待時，他們是能夠辨識出這些信號的。

舉個簡單例子，當你看到一群漂亮的中國女孩走進電梯，她們穿著範思哲（Versace）的上裝、CCP（Carol Christian Poell） 的夾克，夏奈爾（Chanel）的裙子, 手裏拿著愛馬仕（Hermes）的包、腳上是普拉達（Prada）的鞋，但她們的傲慢無禮令她們滿身昂貴的裝束完全失去了意義，對我而言，她們毫無吸引力。

當電梯到下一層時，有另外一個女孩走進來，她穿著極爲普通的藍色牛仔褲、皺巴巴的T恤衫，拿著一個塑料購物袋。但她面帶笑容，談吐親切不造作，盡管同前面那些女孩比較，她顯然與時尚（Vogue）雜志上的那些女孩相距甚遠，但我發現自己更被這個女孩所吸引。

所以，與其認爲有錢才能吸引人，中國年輕人真的應當學習恰當的言行舉止、禮貌、禮儀以及尊重他人而不是居高臨下、盛氣淩人，這樣會讓你非常有魅力。畢竟，有誰不希望在別人眼裏是很有魅力的呢？”

Question: Rinpoche, what is your advice for Chinese youth, children and their parents?

Rinpoche Answer:

I know many parents are anxiously pushing their children to get a good education, and there is no doubt that young Chinese are really becoming good in academics, science, technology and more. In fact, I have family friends who push their children way beyond the school curriculum to study piano, violin, and a third or fourth language. I have some sympathy for the competitive spirit behind that pressure, because this is a competitive world.

I’m not saying parents shouldn’t do that, but at the back of their minds they should also ask themselves how much all this pressure is going to answer their own dreams for their children. After all, some of the most successful people in the world are dropouts!

I think that at the end of the day, your children have to be happy. And for that to happen, your children need to learn to be kind and polite. In fact, Chinese in general need to learn to be polite and not to miss cues and signals from others. When you don’t respect others and miss their cues, it makes others miss cues as well, which creates so much confusion.

So many people say that young Chinese are often arrogant, impolite, and rude. I’ve thought about that and, from my experience, I don’t think they are actually rude, but just keep missing these cues. The puzzling thing is that they themselves get upset when others miss their cues, which is odd because it means they actually recognize cues when they’re at the receiving end.

A simple example of this is seeing beautiful Chinese girls walk into an elevator with Versace blouses, Carol Christian Poell jackets, Chanel skirts, Hermes bags, and Prada shoes. But they are so arrogant and impolite that the whole point of their expensive outfits is lost and I’m not attracted to them at all.

On the next floor, another girl enters the elevator, simply dressed in very ordinary blue jeans and a crinkled t-shirt, carrying a plastic shopping bag. But she smiles, talks and has no airs, even though she definitely doesn’t look like she’s out of Vogue magazine like the other girls. I find myself much more attracted to her.

So instead of thinking it’s money that attracts people, young Chinese should really learn the proper demeanour, politeness, manners, and respect for others that are so attractive without ever being condescending or patronizing. Who, after all, would not want to attract others?