回應:
從我們相識開始,就各自過著忙碌的生活,幾年下來,
有時候想起來覺得很神奇,因為以前交的男朋友總交往不到
半年就分手了,跟他在一起好幾年了,以前想過要結婚,
但是那時候他不想,漸漸的,我們的感情因為一些問題出現裂痕,
所以說好先不要見面,我想透過時間慢慢淡忘掉,過一段時間如果
真的分手可以把衝擊降到最低,這一陣子我過得很好,很開心,
也不會覺得特別難過,大概我們從交往開始就聚少離多,所以也很習慣了,
倒是身邊的同事、客戶跟朋友拼命幫我介紹對象,我都說我們還沒正式分手,
他們還是那麼熱心,搞的我一個頭兩個大。
就在我想透過時間慢慢結束這段感情的時候,事情發生了,他跟整個
家族說明年要跟我結婚,他的爸媽開始籌備,所有的事如火如荼的舉行,
而我則是難以接受,我自己現在一點都不想結婚,我爸媽也還沒打算把我嫁掉,
但是我知道,這一次他是認真的,所以我被嚇到了,我實在無法接受,在我們
感情出現裂痕的時候,在我們不知道還有沒有未來的時候,他跟我提這件事,
我強烈的覺得他只是想留住我,而我也無法勸阻他爸媽打消這個念頭。
其實他沒什麼不好,甚至在別人眼中,他是一個好好先生,看過身邊
很多朋友的例子,所以我一向對花心的男生過敏,對不體貼的男生敬而遠之,
而我脾氣還不錯,很少生氣,也不會跟別人吵架,所以對脾氣差的男生也
避之唯恐不及,而他專情、體貼、脾氣好,我想這也是我跟他可以相處比較久
的原因,只是發生了一些事情,讓我開始懷疑他是不是我要的幸福,我心裡有
無限的疑惑,朋友都說,我的理性大於感性,只是這次的事,真的不是我的
理性可以解決的,他們整個家族都對我很好,這幾天,我一直在想我要怎麼
跟他爸媽說我還不確定跟他兒子會不會有未來?所以不想結婚。為了這件事,
我工作心不在焉,情緒的起伏讓我差點昏倒在辦公室,醫生說我的身體已經
失調了,如果情緒再起伏,我可能會昏倒掛急診,可是,我真的不知道該
怎麼面對,我無法想像在我還沒確定這是不是我要的幸福之前,他們家的
長輩們搞成這樣,我都拿我媽當擋箭牌了還是沒有用,如果我把想法告訴他們,
他們一定無法接受,所以我實在說不出口,而且我同事語重心長的跟我說,
婚姻是一場賭注,結果只有贏跟輸,賭的籌碼是一輩子的幸福,我現在根本不想賭,
因為我根本不確定這是不是我要的幸福,也根本不想結婚,好煩好煩好煩喔!
我要怎麼跟他們說,我要怎麼阻止他們這樣下去?我的思緒從來沒那麼混亂過。
My short answer: First, you need to tell your boyfriend that you are not ready. Then you and your boyfriend needs to get both families together (may be for dinner) but the invitation should have a subject title of discussion about the wishes of you and your boyfriend - and not about the details of the wedding. The benefit of doing this is so that everyone can talk about their expectations of you and your boyfriend in one room. You and your boyfriend have to make sure this is a frank and open and realistic discussion. At the end of the dinner, someone (you or your boyfriend) should stand up and summarise the key issues that was discussed and what will happen next.
What marriage is not:
- Gambling ... someone wins and someone looses.
- You owe him or vice versa.
- Who is the boss (or not the boss).
- Compromise ... one person giving up something in order to gain something else.
What marriage is:
- Winning the emotional support and love from your other half.
- Not about owing - it is about giving.
- No one is really the boss - just which person is better to accomplish something on a certain day.
- Not compromise - it is about understanding who your partner is (or is not) and knowing yourself.
I have been married for 12 years and my wife and I are just the opposites. We have fights and arguments all the time. However, we also have moments that would not have been possible if she was not there. Overall, I think marriage is about one plus one equals many.
We Chinese people (regardless of where we are living around the world) have this bad habit of using the "should" to much. Sometimes, we use it so much that we cannot think straight as to what we need to do and we do not know our real wishes anymore. You need to think about what is "needed" rather than what you "should" be doing.
You think marriage is tough? Try having children!
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自我矛盾修飾, 還是多方面測試? 看成果吧!
自我矛盾修飾, 還是多方面測試? 看成果吧!
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